when should I go to couples therapy?
You do not need to have an “issue” or “problem” to attend therapy. You can simply want to strengthen your relationship by learning more about yourself and your partner while acquiring skills and techniques to address conflict and stressors that might arise.
In relationships, we not only learn to be vulnerable, but we also learn so much about ourselves. It is imperative that you are able to maintain your identity as an individual while figuring out your identity in the relationship. In this way, you both can be the best possible partners to each other and stay true to yourselves.
At Nurturing Relationships Counseling, PLLC, we start this process with the intake paperwork. We have each partner respond to questions individually in order to have each voice heard from the beginning of the therapy process. Then, in the first few sessions, we work through identifying and addressing inconsistencies, disagreements, and areas of strength.
From there and throughout the couples therapy process, we will learn continue to explore dynamics, learn techniques, and practice skills to support the relationship,
So…one technique I suggest for couples, is the speaker-listener technique
In this communication technique, partners take turns speaking, listening, and paraphrasing what the other person has said.
Two major takeaways from this technique are:
listen to understand, not listen to respond; and
paraphrase and reflect back what you heard your partner say so “mind-reading” or miscommunication does not occur.
So…How do we tackle the stressors in life that impact our relationship?
Maintain a “we” attitude. I always imagine putting the “problem” or “stressors” in an imaginary chair on the opposite side of the room. This way, the problem can be externalized and looked at objectively by the couple. Don’t let the problem sit in between you and your partner!
Ways that Couples Therapy can help your relationship:
Learn about your upbringing and history and how it impacts your communication style
Understand your attachment style
Create a “team” attitude
Learn to address your concerns in a productive way
Build trust
Learn about one another’s values and roles in life
Co-create relational values
Define your unique philosophy of marriage
Discuss and implement boundaries
And most importantly, create a relationship that works for you!
We all have our unique relationships which are impacted by the context in which we live. At Nurturing Relationships Counseling, PLLC, we address each relationship using a systemic lens that considers contextual factors. We want to support you and your investment in your relationship, giving you the tools you need to create a solid foundation and know how to address issues that arise as a team!
